Where I Watched it: MAX

English Audio Description provided By: Deluxe

Narrated By: Darren Rivets and Julia Smith

We have learned nothing from the Jaws sequels. Don’t overthink the plot. And for some reason, this script feels like it was written by ten different people all very high on various drugs, who were given 24 hours to write the script for this film. I am all about bucking the trend against establishment critics and film snobs, but meg 2 is subjectively terrible.

The first film was entertaining enough. Giant sharks with no predators escape their underground domain, and create a host of problems for Jason Statham. The sequel? The writers create a host of problems for Jason Statham. Now he’s back, and instead of fighting another Meg, or more Megs, he’s basically fighting an evil mining corporation whose deep trench drilling releases more terrible things. Oh, and dinosaurs. There are dinosaurs in this. Warner bros clearly wanted a shot at a Jurassic park franchise, and saw The meg as being that film so we have “Fun Island” and inexplicably some Cretaceous critters.

This movie is awful. Bing Bing Li chose not to reprise her role in the sequel, so they kill her off in conversation, and now Jason Statham is raising the adorable little girl from the first film, with the help of her uncle no one knew existed. Oh, and that brother is training a meg. you know, like how Chris pratt has a special relationship with Blue? Yeah, the Jurassic homages are all over this.

I’ve already discussed this more than it’s worth. I’ll defend the first film against critical attacks. it delivers on its promise, and it’s a pretty fun movie along the way. This is hot flaming garbage that is bad in the kind of way that would deeply concern me if someone recommended this to me. It’s not just something that isn’t for everybody. The only people who might like this are people who only watch films made by The Asylum, and are used to low grade special effects. Even though I’m blind, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt that this looks better than any Asylum film. But, it it written like one.

I don’t have a direct problem with most of the actors, but there are a few that need to go back to an acting class. There’s an executive for the mining company who reads all her lines like she’s in a completely different film. The one saving grace is Jason Statham, who is down for whatever bullshit is thrown his way. And I’m still happy that this franchise gives him plenty of opportunity to dive, which is what he was before he transitioned to acting. He was a competitive diver/swimmer.

The audio description here covers for the lines not spoken in English, as well as attempting to describe all the creatures that aren’t Megs. Even within those giant sharks, they seem to all look slightly different so you can tell them apart. I understand from some of my sighted friends that this film does have some problems with lighting, which we miss in the blind community, and instead it relies heavier on the description to make the film work for us. The narration is fine, but it can’t save this film.

Final Grade: D+