Where I Watched It: MAX

English Audio Description?: Yes

This film is as old as I am. I hear I don’t look my age. I’m pretty sure this does. Cujo even sounded like a film no one had bothered to preserve on any level, and the newer audio description track stands in stark contrast. Other things that distract me about this film is that, well, it’s not scary, and it’s pretty awful.

There is so much character development in this film you’ll forget you are watching a movie about a killer dog. So many unnecessary plot points, because a rabid St. Bernard can’t apparently carry his own film. I know that King likes to throw complicated adult themes into the film, but the dog should always be the star. Notice how in slasher movies we usually keep up the pace and focus of killing off one by one? It’s a pattern people enjoy, and this film takes forever to get remotely interesting.

There is one segment where Cujo is stalking two people trapped inside a car for a good length of time that is moderately interesting. It is somewhat ruined by the stupidity of the people in the car, thinking that because he’s not chomping at the bit, it’s a good time to open the door and take a leak. Pee in the fucking car. You have bigger things to worry about other than getting urine out of the backseat. your car isn’t moving, and a rabid dog wants to eat your face. Just pee in the damn car.

I’ve exhausted all necessary energy on this film. Sure, you could say that I don’t enjoy old horror titles. Look, there are plenty that were done right. Alien is a fantastic movie, and it is older than this. hell, Psycho will freak you out about showering even though it’s an old film as well. Being old doesn’t mean “not scary”, but showing your age because at the time you weren’t successful at doing any ambiance, maintaining terror for the duration of the film, or even making something that makes sense are all problems. there’s a side plot in here about the father in this family who is crushed when his cereal makes the news for the wrong reason… the red color dye is making kids poop look like bloody stools, and is being recalled. This has absolutely zero relevance to:

1) The dog.

2) Why it has rabies.

3) A plan to stop the dog from killing anyone else.

4) Coming up with a survival plan to out live Cujo.

5) Figuring out how to kill Cujo.

K.I.S.S. I’m not sure why my continued problems with King films is that they are about something, but then the film decides to almost build a second movie on top of the other, one that has no real bearing on the first. pet Sematary gives Rachel this absurd backstory, and Cujo spends very little time in dog killing humans mode.

I’d let my kid watch this. he’d fall asleep anyway. the audio description was fine, as the specificity with how Cujo gets his rabies was described in solid detail, and is utterly absurd. Otherwise, there’s not much violence or gore here. Just a failed drama plot that was given a killer dog just to spice things up.

Boring, dull, lifeless. It’s time to put this dog down.

Final Grade: D