Where I Watched it: MAX

English Audio Description?: Yes

For some reason, MAX hosts the entire Conjuring universe with audio description except Annabelle, and this doesn’t seem to strike them as odd? That meant when a sequel to The nun was scheduled to drop, i was able to check out the first film, which starred Demian Bichir and Taissa Farmiga. Now, that first name is deeply underrated in Hollywood. I know this franchise becomes all about farmiga’s novitiate and it’s such a cool juxtaposition because her big sister is the lead in The Conjuring films, but bichir is great in this film. It’s just a really shit script.

This is the origin story of The Nun, who was last seen in The Conjuring 2, but it’s not actually the origin story. There’s an origin story told verbally in this film that sounds really far more interesting than this. Instead, we get a small town where bad things seem to happen, and the nuns there keep praying to keep evil at bay, but one mysteriously dies, and the Vatican sends in Bichir. They suggest he pick up a novitiate along the way who supposedly is from that area, but she’s not, and when she tells him this, his answer is for her to come along anyway because god doesn’t make mistakes. Fuck this movie.

It’s such a dumb fucking plot point, because it goes nowhere. So, she’s not from there, but why did we ever need to suggest she was? Was it that hard for the screenwriter to find a reason for her to tag along? Mistaken identity? And more so, before any of the shit truly hits the fan, Bichir is all “mysterious ways” on her, and thus this novitiate is headed off to a place she’s never been. Not a great start.

That being said, it is a fairly competent horror film, with just enough jump scares to feel like you got your moneys worth, without them being absolutely obnoxious (I’m looking at you Smile), and a graveyard sequence I thought was pretty clever.It’s not the worst directed film, it just sadly Hasán a script that seems to want everyone to start in the negative and have to climb their way out of idiotsville. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, Demian Bichir is too good for this franchise. Not that Farmiga is a slouch, but bichir is a pervasively undervalued talent, despite his Oscar nomination. He brings so much to a role that slides into the #2 spot once Taissa Farmiga hits the screen. the acting in this film, and some solid directorial choices make this film worth the time.

in terms of audio description, this film has jump scares, which are now almost always accompanied by loud noises, which makes it harder to distinguish when exactly to let you know when the BOO! Is coming. I thought they were timed as well as they could be, but one of the downsides of being blind is that we are almost always alerted to these things before they happen, so scaring us is almost impossible. that’s why I look to things like direction, story, and acting to carry a film, and too many horror films don’t rely on those elements. Here, we’ve got acting and directing, but the script is ass.

Not my favorite Conjuring film, but please cast Bichir in more and better roles. Thanks.

Final grade: B-