It has taken me a minute to collect my thoughts on the disappointment that is Scott Derrickson’s The Gorge, and Apple TV + original that they didn’t even bother to attempt a theatrical release for. While it is a disappointment, it isn’t quite the crater left behind by Matthew Vaughn’s Argylle last year, but it isn’t far away.Hopefully, you’ll be able to understand the abyss of never ending disdain for mediocrity that consumes The gorge, and perhaps why Scott should have just agreed to jump on the Black Phone sequel instead.

The movie is set in one of those dystopian side-realities that could be ours, if you believe the government is hiding things from you. or, in this case, a mysterious opening, presumably leading to hell, which only a few people are in the know about, and the entire fate of humanity is left to a pair of snipers. That’s right. Miles Teller and Anya Taylor Joy are here to save the world. Alone. In a setup that immediately feels understaffed, we’re led to believe that whatever comes out of the gorge is able to be handled by two people, but is also really bad if it were to get out. I think there are two people working in most convenience stores in this country, yet we can’t employ more than two people to guard this? so at least they can sleep? technically they have quarters, but we have to sidestep a lot of the “how do they do this” questions you might have because I’m positive derrickson knows this film makes no sense.

While it has elements of science-fiction and horror, it also turns into a weird love story, because these two are so isolated, they only have each other to communicate with. I also didn’t understand how a gorge only needs two walls, like east and west. isn’t there a north and south? Or, is it circular, so directional readings have no meaning?

Once you finally get to the creatures in the gorge, and the mystery behind it, the film starts to redeem itself, as the secrets that come out are actually a decent twist. the action is well shot, the creature design is good and well described by the audio description, and both teller and Taylor Joy at least deliver solid performances. The film also has Sigourney weaver to boost its nerd cred, but she’s not in most of the film.

Derrickson’s last film, the Black Phone, was in my top 10 the year it came out. It surprised the hell out of me, and I love that film. it really exceeded my expectations for a horror film. Here, Derrickson is buried in a mid-budget title that likely was given too much money by Apple, and a script only a mother could love. There’s an attempt to milk quality out of certain sequences, finding some good shots, focusing on horror when possible, and allowing a decent score to help push the momentum. But a few critical conceptual failures really took out the legs from the start, so it never was going to win the race, it could only hope to finish.

I did really like the audio description track, which helps, as it was aware what genre this was, even when the film itself seemed lost. this is almost a toss up, but I think the pros outweigh the cons, though not by much.

Fresh: Final Grade: C, Audio Description: A-