I grew up playing Mortal Kombat and to some extent Street Fighter. You learned the combinations of punching and kicking. If you memorized the right button combinations, your fighter might do something extra special. These games became about memorizing, and being able to master your fighter so they can win any battle. My pitch, since Mortal Kombat keeps utilizing fighters from outside the franchise to help spice things up, is to just add Jason Statham. His whole film career is basically punch, kick, shoot, repeat. that’s all this is. Punch, kick, shoot, repeat. You can button mash, and maybe he’ll punch, punch, kick, kick, or learn a combination so he can perform a roundhouse to the face. But he’s essentially reduced himself to nothing more than the living personification of a character from Mortal Kombat.

At 57, that’s not bad. He’s clearly in great shape, and for someone who did not start out trained in mixed martial arts of any kind, he’s done well for himself. He started out as a diver trying to qualify for the Olympics before pivoting to acting. There are so many things he’s probably good at, but nothing he could possibly do could save this dumpster fire of a film.

I’m a pretty nice person in my reviews. I can be easily entertained. I’ve given solid grades to critically panned films. I gave the Beekeeper a B+. but this is hot ass garbage. Statham plays a man with a particular set of skills, working a crappy regular job, but his skills come into play when his boss’s (Michael Pena) daughter is taken for sex trafficking purposes. He doesn’t want to use that part of himself. he has a dead wife and a young daughter to look after, but the movie would be so very different if he just never used those skills. So, naturally, he heads off to punch, kick, shoot, and repeat through a series of villains who are just bound and determined to not give him this one girl.

Can my pull quote be “fucking stupid”? it should be. The movie spends time establishing this massive organization that he’s disrupting, and yet, he’s not really interested in taking down the entire institution. He just wants this one girl back. That’s it. Sorry for the spoiler, but there’s no master plan, or guilt that pushes him to crumble the entire operation. Sure, by the end, he’s fractured it. But so many people would be alive if they had just been willing to give back the one girl to this guy who seemingly could stop a freight train with his right hook.

this is all Statham too. Michael Pena has nothing to do. David Harbor shows up for no discernible reason, because he also does nothing. Statham is a father, and I’m not sure why. He barely is around with her, and in one of the scenes, she seems to green light his revenge plot.

And from there I have so many other questions, about why someone was where they were, or how they got in.

The audio description is fine. William Michael Redman is solid if all you need is to see Jason Statham punch different people for two hours. However, almost every single other film of Statham’s is better than this, and as a William Michael Redman fan, I’ve certainly walked away from films he’s narrated where his audio description was the best thing about the film. that is this here too. Just like how he was the best part of my experience in The Stranger: Chapter One, he is still once again providing description more entertaining than the film itself. Kudos to the writer of the description also, though I don’t know who that is.

for the most part, Statham’s filmography is wide open. there are films I would say are “rotten” that are still more entertaining and make more sense, like the Expendables 4 or The Meg 2. At least, he is the appropriate level of hero. Here, he doesn’t end up shutting down the trafficking ring, or even rescuing any extra girls. He’s got all the required skills, he just is more interested in doing the bare minimum and clocking out, which is probably the most relatable working man thing to do.

rotten: Final Grade: 2.4/10 Audio Description: A-