Category: Movie Review

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The Babadook

John Stark

English Audio Description?: Yes Still catching up on old Halloween titles, and I finally watched The Babadook. Now, I can understand the hype to some extent. it wasn’t the scariest thing I’d ever seen, but it had a lot going for it. Basically, this Australian horror film centers around a mom, who is still recovering from some grief, and her son, and how the world doesn’t want her son. Honestly, that’s the one thing this film did the best. We all love our kids, but even this guy is a bit much. The direction here was so much to make … Continue reading The Babadook

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The Caine Mutiny Court Marshal

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Paramount Plus English Audio Description Provided By: Roundabout Narrated By: Elias Recently, we lost director William Friedkin, who had already earned his place among the best directors of all time. He’s been in that group since his 1971 Best Picture winner The French Connection, which he followed up with the horror classic The Exorcist. Honestly, he could have just stopped there. He probably should have. Though his career does include some fondly remembered films like To Live and Die in LA, it also features the Al Pacino flop Crusin, the David Caruso forgotten erotic thriller Jade, … Continue reading The Caine Mutiny Court Marshal

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The Cloverfield Paradox

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Netflix English Audio Description?: Yes I finally took this Halloween season to round out the Cloverfield franchise by finally checking out this much derided entry. it deserves a lot of the hate being thrown its way, as it feels like a film that was made, and then given a Cloverfield spin.It barely takes advantage of the world created by Cloverfield, and spends its time in space with a rather impressive cast doing unimpressive things. It’s one of those “am I losing my mind?” Films, and deals with parallel dimensions and stuff, but nothing that would lead … Continue reading The Cloverfield Paradox

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Double Dragon

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Peacock English Audio Description?: No Peacock knew exactly what totally random title to suggest to me in that moment, and that moment was ripe for Double Dragon. no, it doesn’t have audio description. Yes, it should. Will anyone care? No. Double Dragon is a pretty notoriously awful film adaptation from the 90’s, which features mark Dascascos and Scott Wolf (one of them can actuallly fight, the other is pretty), who get roped up in the attempt to bring an actual plot and story to the old school Nintendo game. This was still from the period where … Continue reading Double Dragon

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Friday The 13th (2009)

John Stark

Where I Watched it: MAX English Audio Description?: Yes Before we even talk about this, we need to have a talk, just me and the peeps at wBD. hi. it’s me. The guy who consistently calls out streamers for nonsensical decisions when it comes to streaming and audio description. Can someone on your end explain to me why you selectively choose to provide audio description for sequels but not the first film? MAX has three of the original Friday The 13th films described, but not the original, and there’s a gap. Serious question, is this how you watch movies? Do … Continue reading Friday The 13th (2009)

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Strays

John Stark

Where i watched It: Peacock English Audio Description?: Yes I love dog movies. I don’t know why, but they have one hell of an ability to make me cry. I was an absolute mess at the end of Marley and me. I remember that My Dog Skip got me back in the day, and even A Dog’s Purpose had a moment (though the sequel did not). I didn’t cry during Strays. Think of Strays as the Sausage Party version of its predecessors. Hilarious, raunchy, and whip smart, Strays takes a look at things from a different perspective and puts them … Continue reading Strays

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Appendage

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Hulu English Audio Description Provided By: point 360 Written By James Mason Narrated By Robert Ericsson Hulu seems to invest in low-budget horror for October, as every year I end up watching some random stuff they are pumping out that no one else is watching or cares about. Even a cast member of Schitt’s Creek isn’t enough to make this pop. And mislabeling this movie as a Comedy/Horror is not going to help. in fact, considering that a large chunk of this film and how the monster works is making someone depressed, lonely, and feeling worthless, … Continue reading Appendage

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Come Play

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Free Vee English Audio Description?: Yes Narrated By: AI Yeah, I’m pretty sure this was an AI narrated film. It’s sad, because I spend my whole day dealing with artificial intelligence and screenreaders that range from nightmarish to almost human. Even as i type, this inhuman voice is giving me the letters back as I hit them. I suppose after seeing Come Play, I should be happy that the only thing my device is giving me is this voice. Come Play is an interesting horror title from a few years back that features Gillian Jacob’s and … Continue reading Come Play

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Totally Killer

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Amazon English Audio Description By The Media Access Group Narrated By Xanthie Page One of my favorite horror movies is a little seen horror comedy The Final Girls. In many ways, this reminded me of that film. Except, this one is less Groundhog Day, and more Back To The Future. A teenager lives in a community where years ago three girls were brutally murdered, and the killer was never caught. She really wants to go out with her friends, but her mom is overprotective because she lived in the town back then, along with her dad, … Continue reading Totally Killer

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Haunted Mansion

John Stark

Where I Watched It: Disney plus English Audio Description?: Yes I did approach the concept of yet another Hanuted Mansion film with trepidation. A lot of that was alleviated by the fact that Justin Simian would be behind the director’s chair. Not only was I a fan of the film Dear White People, but I also enjoyed the Netflix show inspired by it. I wasn’t sure how his satirical tone would mix with a Disney franchise, but I was mostly pleasantly surprised. This version of the haunted Mansion seems like it is trying to be a little scarier, with a … Continue reading Haunted Mansion

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The Haunted Mansion (2003)

John Stark

Where I Watched It: Disney plus English Audio Description provided By: Deluxe Narrated By: Alexander Graham Justin Simian has a remake/reboot that will be the next thing i review, but I decided to give this Eddie Murphy version a second chance. it wasn’t as bad as I remembered it, and it probably never was. Honestly, Murphy had this period where he didn’t seem to be reading the scripts, and directors just let him do his thing, and that is all over this movie. There’s also a weird subplot that involves why his family is drawn to the mansion in the … Continue reading The Haunted Mansion (2003)

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Cuajó

John Stark

Where I Watched It: MAX English Audio Description?: Yes This film is as old as I am. I hear I don’t look my age. I’m pretty sure this does. Cujo even sounded like a film no one had bothered to preserve on any level, and the newer audio description track stands in stark contrast. Other things that distract me about this film is that, well, it’s not scary, and it’s pretty awful. There is so much character development in this film you’ll forget you are watching a movie about a killer dog. So many unnecessary plot points, because a rabid … Continue reading Cuajó

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FairPlay

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Netflix English Audio Description?: Yes Netflix acquired this sexy thriller out of Sundance, and it is one of those extremely on the outer ring Oscar bait films that might get a few mentions here and there, so this is possibly not the last time you will hear of this. The movie stars Phoebe Dynevor, an actress who unfortunately is now legally required to make a tutorial on how to pronounce her name. I subscribe to a multitude of other critics, and listen to their thoughts on movies, and no one knows how to say her name. … Continue reading FairPlay

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Pet Sematary: Bloodline

John Stark

Where I Watched it: Paramount Plus English Audio Description?: Yes All of this Pet Sematary build up has led to this moment. The moment when Paramount wisely chose not to send this prequel to theatres, and instead dump it on their streaming service. I have poked fun at previous iterations, but Bloodline is truthfully the worst in the series. It does have some talented cast members pop up, sadly not in the leading roles, and is somewhat based on the lore created by the stories Judd tells in both Pet Sematary films. It is just really dull. That’s not to … Continue reading Pet Sematary: Bloodline

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Pet Sematary (2019)

John Stark

Where I Watched It: Paramount Plus English Audio Description?: Yes It’s not that 80’s horror is bad, but more like some directors actually learn from what came before. Case in point would be the Pet Sematary remake, which avoids a lot of the mistakes Mary lambert made when she directed the original film. It’s clear that even though this movie makes a few very different changes, it still is tied down to the same tired King bullshit that still never belonged in this franchise. Yes, we have a doctor moving to town (Jason Clarke), and he lives too close to … Continue reading Pet Sematary (2019)