Where I Watched it: Netflix

English Audio Description?: Yes

Description Provided By?: This was released when Netflix didn’t understand the value of crediting the audio description team. Meanwhile, in the actual credits to the film, we get everyone from drivers, caterers, and personal assistants, because studios recognize everyone. This highlights a major problem our industry isn’t ready to discuss.

Don’t watch this film. Are you a fan of Martin Freeman? Did you not know this film existed until just now? Good. Pretend it doesn’t, and then just don’t watch it. Cargo was one film that I just never watched until recently, despite the fact it was always one of those titles I saw in my queue, and kept saying “I need to see that.” You don’t. It’s impossible for this to live up to any expectations.

The problem with this film isn’t freeman, it’s just that this zombie apocalypse drama is slow, and has the weirdest ending it could have possibly had. From the audio description, when we got to the final moments of this film, what is being described feels more Monty Python than anything that matches the seriousness of the movie before it. There are so many better zombie films, this one doesn’t even deserve your time. I love Martin Freeman, and Breeders is one of the best shows no one is watching, so the nicest gift I can give him right now is to just end this review portion and talk about the audio description.

It’s a zombie film, so we have to have audio description.This is the thing that The Walking Dead seems to not understand. but, Cargo at least is easy to follow, because it’s not very complicated, and we have audio description. but I have to tell you, how the ending to this film is described, if it is a flawless audio description, is basically why i don’t have narrator information. I’m surprised I didn’t break my TV. This has one of the dumbest endings to a film, and it is amplified by the audio description trying to describe the goofy shit this film has committed to. I quit the film probably mere seconds away from the ending, after first doing the staring at the direction of the TV with my mouth agape, and then finally just laughing hysterically.

I love Martin Freeman, and the best thing we can do for him is to just never watch it, or just never watch the ending of this film. I would have refused to shoot the ending. I would have read the script, read the ending, and then turned the film down. It’s immediately in the hall of fame in my head for worst film endings of all time. It is so profoundly dumb.

Final Grade: Stop the film ten minutes before it’s over.I know that feels more like a prescription than a grade, but I wish I could unhear/unsee the ending, and then I could grade the rest of the film.