Disclaimer: I’m a blind film critic. I generally watch with audio description, but I’m unaware of this film having a track, nor was one given to me. I’m still typing on a broken keyboard. Life is great.

The Chronology Of Water is Kristen Stewart’s directorial debut. There’s the extra level of anticipation that comes along with watching an actor turn director. Some have certainly made classics, like Ben Affleck’s Argo or The Town, Mel Gibson’s Braveheart, Clint Eastwood with Unforgiven and Million Dollar Baby, and lets not forget Greta Gerwig with Barbie, Jodie Foster with Little Man Tate, and the late Diane Keaton with Hanging Up, a film I hold a little more dear because of Walter Matthau. The truth is, actors have been turning directors a lot, and that trend isn’t stopping. This year, Michael Angarano directed Sacramento, Harris Dickenson directed Urchin, Scarlett Johansson with Eleanor The Great, and let’s not forget Opie, Ron Howard, who put out Eden. Stewart’s effort has struggled a bit to get the kind of instant adoration, but I really don’t think she cares.

Stewart chose to adapt a very difficult memoir about abuse, and discovering who you are independently of that, while it remains still prevalent in your life. She’s entrusted this to Imogene Poots, who has much more to do here than in Hedda, and casts Thora Birch as the sister. A decision was made to have these two playing the characters at all ages, essentially from teenage years through adulthood. It certainly makes filming the abuse scenes less challenging, as you are working with adults. However, for some, it seems to be a bridge too far to accept Poots (36) and Thora Birch (43) as young as they need to be for this.

Stewart’s direction is very artistic, and feels a lot like the less mainstream films she’s chosen as of late. Drawing from auteurs she’s worked with in films like Personal Shopper and The Clouds Of Sils Maria, there’s a disconnected quality here that I’m not only sure whether or not it works, but it does make it harder to follow without audio description. Thanks to Poots narrating during the film, we get some internal thoughts and ideas reflective of her experiences, but I’m still missing something.

What I did love was Jim Belushi. Yes. According To Jim. that guy is here, and it is such a boon for the film to cast him as a professor Poots learns from. His screentime is short, but when you realize belushi is playing Ken Kasey, it really does take over as this wonderful happy accident. I liked him enough here, I would love to see Stewart’s next film be a biopic of him with Belushi getting more than a few minutes of screentime.

Otherwise, I just didn’t care for the totality of the project, especially without audio description. Stewart might be warming up to something, but I’m not flowing with her Chronology Of Water. It feels too indulgent, and possibly the only reason we’re focused on it at all is because it was her directorial debut. If a first time director with no clout was behind the camera, the profile would be so much smaller.

I can’t recommend this, with or without audio description, despite a brilliant surprise in Jim Belushi.

Rotten: 5.0/10