Disclaimer: I’m a blind film critic. You’re gonna need a bigger boat.

All sorts of random objects and circumstances have served as catalysts for time traveling, or fixing an existential crisis. Such is the case with A Big Bold Beautiful Journey, which gives hope to all rental car drivers out there.Do you want to go on a Big Bold Beautiful Journey? Sure. But, should you?

In a film that should have been directed by Michel Gondry, Colin Farrell and Margot Robbie become intertwined as they go back through various points in their past, all under the guise that somehow this healing will lead to major revelations about their lives and they’ll be able to commit to taking a risk on each other. Mind you, this journey isn’t about a couple on the brink of a break up or divorce, but rather two strangers, galavanting through the worst moments of each other’s lives.

they have similarities. Farell’s younger self was in a musical, and later we see Robbie’s childhood bedroom has a Singing In the Rain poster.A love of music theatre should be enough, but the scene we revisit is silly. Farrell does that trope of asking things like how old he is, things that someone just doesn’t ask. I think the influencer kids should start a Big Bold Beautiful challenge, where they try and convince people they have time travelled in the future. Let’s be honest, if your kid just had a slight change in personality, looked at you, and said “how old am I?” You might think about his futuristic stock tips.

We also have to go through Robbie’s depressing past where we see she is bad with men, in a self sabotaging way, probably because she wasn’t there when her mom passed. But she will spend the movie unpacking all of this.

There’s so much potential here. I’d argue this never needed to be romantic, and could have been brother and sister coming together after a long separation, but it also would work as a divorce or separation drama. As it is, Farrell and Robbie barely know each other, and they honestly are pretty void of chemistry. both likeable individually, they don’t have any passion for each other, no matter where the film is in the narrative.

Kevin Kline and Phoebe Waller-Bridge are wasted in supporting roles, as are the talents of Farell and Robbie. both are Oscar nominees, but you wouldn’t get that from watching this. They do try, it just fails.

I will hand it to the preciseness of the film in getting the How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying parts right. That is how the musical starts, though Been A Long Day seems to have leapt to the front of the musical. Finch has a little while to go before that trio happens.

But that whole thing is swept under the rug because Robbie is obsessed with Big. You know, the movie about the kid who grows up, but really just wants to be a kid again. If Robbie were a kid again, her mother would be alive. Heavy messaging.

The audio description is fine, though it struggles to make some things make sense. Like when Robbie reaches one of her destinations, I think she lives under a bridge? But that makes no sense. It says she gets out of her car under a bridge and walks to the door, so is the door under the bridge?

Luckily Farrell has another movie this year, Ballad Of A Small Player. he’s good in that, but that also didn’t work. Robbie needs a better role after this. And as a fan of Kevin Kline, I’d appreciate if he could actually still star in things. Even if they are streaming series. I’d show up for him. He’s underutilized here.

A Big Bold Beautiful Journey is a bit more like a big miss, with bold potential, and a beautiful but miscast ensemble, on a trip that goes everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Rotten: 4.9/10