Disclaimer: I’m a blind film critic. This movie has audio description, produced by Deluxe, narrated by William Michael Redman.

“Is Tamra here?” Why, funny you should mention that. Is he was. I had her liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Won’t you join me?

One can hope. The search for Tamra continues in one of the most mind numbing choices made in recent memory. I see the internet mobs with their pitchforks, headed to find whatever Rachel Ziegler is doing and complain about it,yet they won’t attack low hanging fruit like this? I’m an advocate for trying to go in with a clear mind, and deviate from the pack as you wish. if I like something everyone hates, great. if I hate something everyone loves, perfect.But, with this sequel, it is actually impossible to go full clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. The fact is, Lionsgate, in the kind of inspired wisdom one only truly finds while high on multiple substances simultaneously, gave Renny Harlin unfettered access to three of these, green lighting an entire trilogy.

Renny Harlin used to be a competent director. He worked on Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger, The Long Kiss Goodnight, and a personal favorite of mine, Deep Blue Sea. But in the last decade, his meaningful contribution to cinema has been extending his IMDb credits by saying yes to everything. Skiptrace with Johnny Knoxville and Jackie Chan was one of the few films I gave the lowest possible grade to as a sighted film critic, and Harlin has worked with Aaron Eckhart, who for some reason has a career that is trapped in the third circle of hell. The Brick Layer did nothing to change that. I’m not sure what Lionsgate has seen Harlin do recently that would warrant letting him ruin a trilogy in its entirety, but if he can make it fast and cheap, maybe that’s all they care about.

And these films star no one. Like, Madeline Petsch, the star of this was in something called Hotel For the Holidays. Somehow, Gabriel Basso got roped into this, but he’s not the lead. He’s the star of The Night Agent, and had the “pleasure” of playing JD Vance in Hillbilly Elegy. In comparison to the 28 Years later sequel that starred Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Ralph Fiennes, or Black Phone 2 with Oscar nominees Ethan hawke and Demian Bichir. Other sequels got what they paid for. This is still trying to find Tamra.

the film picks up literally where the last film left off, with the final girl fighting to stay the final girl. Still trapped in Anytown, USA, she finds herself waking up in an oddly vacant hospital, and needing to run from the Strangers once again. Harlin decides to keep it boring by revealing the actual identity of at least one stranger, and arguably more than that through flashbacks.

The only remotely interesting sequence in the film was the boar attack, which is instantaneously made stupid when you realize the Strangers… tame wild board piglets? That’s what they do when they are’t murdering people. they raise killing machines. I liked the nature sucks angle, because it is like running from Jason at Camp Crystal Lake, only to be attacked by a coyote. Just don’t say Jason domesticates coyotes in his free time.

The Strangers also have no rules, and while the town seems to be complacent in letting the passerby’s die, they do it knowing they’ll be left alone. Nope. Everyone is fair game. Our final girl does things that didn’t work before, just in case they work again. She finds herself in a room, and moves the chest of drawers over to block the door, forgetting everything is wood, and they still carry axes.

Harlin also decides to flash back to simpler times,when Tamra was there, until a child stranger makes sure she isn’t. Did we need the origin? Do we need to know who the Strangers are?

The fatal error here is Harlin, and the ability to disassociate from chapter one is impossible, because he did all three movies before anything ever came out. So, the third will be just as painfully tragic as the first two.

The audio description track though, is flawless. The track for the first film was great too. Not only is Redman perfect for the genre, but his script has so much rich detail in it. There’s this one focus on a sand castle that was so terrific and unnecessary, but in the good way. If you can describe something unimportant in that much detail, it means when something matters, I can trust the writer is working hard to deliver the best product.

The kindness I can extend this film is that it is slightly better than the first because it forced the writers to actually come up with a plot that did not mirror the original film. Also, I did enjoy the boar attack until they made it stupid. I’m sure it looks wonky for a sighted audience, but it was the best part of this trite nonsense.

Someone find Tamra so we can end this franchise. And hopefully, no one ever again will greenlight a trilogy for late stage Renny Harlin.

I mean, we still haven’t gotten horizon: PArt 2. we’ve had two Strangers films, and one prison film. Mind blown.

Rotten: 2.5/10