Featuring The Voices of: Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo, Stephanie Beatriz, Adam Devine, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Max Greenfield, Jessie J, Jennifer Lopez, Keke Palmer, Nick Offerman, Simon Pegg, Seann William Scott, Josh Peck, Melissa Rauch, Michael Strahan, Wanda Sykes
Directed By: Mike Thurmeier and Galen T Chu
Plot: A giant asteroid is headed for earth to destroy the Ice Age franchise. Thank God.
What Doesn’t Work: I left that blank for a reason. Good fucking God. I struggled to finish this film. Where did all these characters come from? I know I’ve seen most of the sequels to Ice Age, and I still feel like there are characters that just showed up for Collision Course. As if there aren’t enough fucking characters in this godforsaken film. So many talented actors just collecting paychecks. There are literally 11 main characters at the start of the film, not counting Scrat, plus some villains, and then they introduce MORE characters. If there was an Ice Age 6, there could feasibly be as many as 20 main characters at this rate. TWENTY. It’s like watching a developmentally challenged version of Lost. It’s like if Westworld was written by a preschooler. One or two slapstick sidekicks are enough, but this franchise has picked up a series of really awful characters and keeps looking for more. It’d be like if Pixar decided we needed more cars like Mater, or if the Shrek movies had just doubled down on Donkey and added his entire family. Notice how those franchises DIDN’T do that, because there’s a maximum level of tolerable annoying characters. It’s usually one, sometimes two. For the Ice Age franchise, they already had Sid, then they added Crash and Eddie, and now we’re stuck with Buck and Julian. It’s just too much. Thank god this is the last Ice Age film. Hopefully they don’t start releasing a bunch of straight-to-video sequels like the Land Before Time franchise, or Alpha and Omega which for some inexplicable reason has SEVEN films. SEVEN. THERE ARE SEVEN ALPHA AND OMEGA MOVIES. It only made 25M at the box office, how did that trigger six sequels? How did it even get ONE?
Final Word: If your kids want to see this, just keep telling them Redbox was out. It’s not worth it. It will decrease their intelligence. This cast should be ashamed. What is Denis Leary thinking when he reads a line like “Hasta Manana J-Man?” What happened to you Denis Leary?
I realize this is a kids film, and I’m an adult, but this just is a truly terrible film. I own the first Ice Age on DVD. It was a good film. I’ve seen a few of the sequels (I don’t think all of them) and they were all better than this. Somehow, the continuous adding of characters has gotten out of control, and there are so many obnoxious characters now. It’s too much. Sid was enough.
Final Grade: F
Officially my first F grade of 2016.