Sorry to keep spamming those of you looking for just the meat and potatoes of the diaries, but today is my birthday. As I’m writing this, so tomorrow, I’ll be reflecting on my birthday, which is what this column usually is. I did a long video for my youtube, so I wanted to do at least some acknowledgement.

As another year goes by, I’d like to thank everyone who has helped me along the way, or taken a chance on the concept of a blind film critic. There are still plenty of narrators and writers I would love to talk with and get to know, but I have to say Roy Samuelson was one of the first people to give me a voice. I did an episode of The ADNA presents before I was a member of anything, or had worked in audio description. From there, I really want to thank carl Richardson for taking a chance on me in my advocacy for audio description, and Eric at IDC and Rhys at DVW for getting me a little more entrenched in the business and art form of audio description. Also, a huge shoutout to Alex Howard and lee Pugsley from The Dark Room, who I work with a lot, as we move our cause forward by elevating film criticism from the blind perspective. I have dialogued with IDC, DVW, and Deluxe, and much like the limited number of writers/narrators I know and love, I would still like to broaden those horizons with other companies. Let’s all push the medium of audio description forward. Accessibility matters. Describe Everything.

So many other names. Nefertiti has helped me a lot and had me moderating the audio description community on X, something I’d still be doing if X was under different ownership. Thanks to John at GALECA for taking a chance on me as a blind LGBTQ film critic. He’s actually given me a lot of solid advice in just a year. And, I’d also like to thank the Critics Association Of Central Florida for accepting me, even if I end up getting kicked out for failure to rise to the new minimum metrics. The fact that they ever said Yes matters. And, also the Indie Film Critics of America.

As a 42 year old who has been chasing this for most of my life, it feels so weird to be so bad at the thing you put your time and focus into. I was told a long time ago by someone who had Emeritus status in a critics organization who was my professor, that my voice needed to come through in my writing. So I wrote like I spoke. but, I didn’t fully get the voice thing until I felt I didn’t have one. Then, it became a bit more clear. I’ve applied for Rotten Tomatoes, because there should be a blind film critic out there, and they need more disability representation in general. Although, specifically, they could stand to have voices that have to worry about if a film has the accessibility required, and if the theater has working equipment. Deaf critics, blind critics. Wholly unique perspectives.

I also feel inadequate all the time, and while people may write it off as my version of imposter syndrome, i think I might just be bad at this. I might be the worst representation for people like me, and there’s no way I’ll be on the Tomatometer or Metacritic. The sad reality of my personal life is that I’m alone. I’ve never been popular, I wasn’t a cool kid, and the evidence of my value in life has become pronounced more as I realize how alone I truly am in terms of real humans I’ve met along the way, not just over the internet. Somehow, everyone has fallen out of touch with me, by choice, by accident, and my small little circle of support are all people older than me, which does not bode well for my future as someone who is single and childless.

It feels like the bare minimum I can do to contribute to society is blog, and YouTube. but, I gotta be honest and say that these numbers I have, just are so indicative of how I never knew how to get likes and subscribes before I was asking for them. the amount of likes and subscribes to my personal life, is reflective to the low amount of engagement I get online. If I knew what to do, I would have done it years ago, and my life would be different.

I also feel like I’m bad at being blind. Still. i have a tiny bit of “usable vision”, and I’m not in complete darkness, but they are sight spots surrounded by darkness. I used to say they help me not walk into walls. guess what I did earlier this week. In my defense, it was a support column coming out from the wall, and as I swung my cane I somehow timed it at the worst moment, and missed the column. took me eight years to walk right face first into a wall. I clip door frames all the time, but I’m sturdy. I do just think I’m really bad at being blind, and as I explained to someone also earlier this week, I have no patience or room for bullshit. i feel like I’ve made so many changes, that every time I’m asked to do more, I just shut down. So, I’m bad at being a film critic, and blind, but I’m a blind film critic. I’m also single, so I think I’m bad at being gay as well. though, that is down the list of things for me. I gotta figure me out before incorporating someone else.

As you get older, birthdays suck. My dad died nine years ago today. yes, today. My dad died on my birthday, and one year before I was diagnosed and started losing my vision. And to make things more fun, I’ve noticed my hands are starting to hurt. I’ve self diagnosed as repetitive strain disorder (thanks, google) because it really is more in my fingers and not my wrists. So, while I’m trying to constantly prove myself, I find it harder and harder to type a lot. it is one of the few things I do well, and I need it for both this and work, so I’m now having to parse out my writing and not necessarily write a review of everything, at the same exact time I’m pulling a Say Anything to Rotten Tomatoes and asking them to love me. Give me a chance. My birthdays stopped being fun a long time ago.

So, because it is my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to, I’m gonna do something a little different. This is already very different, but even more different. So, thanks for your patience. Since this is the small screen diaries, and I went through some thank you’s, I would like to briefly run through a list of shows that I’d love to watch again with audio description. These are ten-ish series I’m pretty sure don’t have audio description, but I really wish did. For the whole run. Not one season.

1. The walking Dead- at the top of my list. I actually lost my sight during the run of this, so my access to it changed, and I’d love to go back through all eleven seasons. this is why I keep watching the spinoffs even without audio description. I would say this is my favorite TV show of all time.

2) Boy Meets World- But growing up, I also followed the hell out of cory, Shawn, and Topanga. I have DVD box sets, but this show has dodged audio description. the revival, Girl Meets World, I believe did get some.

3- X-Men- the original. The series that X-Men 97 is reviving. I grew up with this. I’ve already rewatched it entirely once, years ago when I saw it on Hulu. I’d do it again if it had audio description.

4- saved By The bell- it was always alright because I was Saved By The Bell. I did like the revival, though I don’t need The New Class. I’d be fine with this extending to The College Years, the Hawaiian vacation, and of course Good morning Miss Bliss.

5- Alias- I’m fairly certain Jennifer Garner’s spy hit doesn’t have audio description. I wish it did. people need to experience a young Bradley Cooper before he became really famous and Oscar nominated.

6- Freaks And geeks- One of the few one season wonders that always gets brought up because it’s so iconic. Not only did it have a great creative team, but it launched a lot of careers.

7- Nicktoons- Broadly, but more specifically 90’s ones. Though, SpongeBob is too iconic to not have audio description. Blind kids should have full access to SpongeBob. but, for me, I’m talking Doug, Rugrats, Ren and Stimpy, Rocko’s Modern Life, hey Arnold, and the early toons. I wouldn’t be mad if they also extended it to other iconic Nick programs like Are You Afraid Of The Dark, Clarissa Explains It All, and the Adventures Of Pete and pete.

8- Sequest- If you don’t know what Seaquest is, it is basically Star Trek, but underwater. And, it was an early foray into science fiction for me as a kid. It is on Peacock, just without audio description.

9- family Guy- I was thinking about trying to go back through and watch all of this, including the newer seasons I haven’t seen, but this doesn’t appear to have a full series audio description. While I could also extend this to long running adult animation like the Simpsons and South Park, I’ll lean on family Guy.

10- Buffy- So, this show did get audio description at some point. However, it is not currently available on Hulu… where they are working on the revival. Perhaps, in time for the revival, Hulu could slap some audio description on this. I own the entire thing on physical media.

And, just to keep up appearances:

TV Shows Watched: Duster: S1E7 (MAX) with audio description, The Bear: S4E3 (Hulu) with audio description, Murderbot: S1E8 (Apple Plus) with audio description, We were Liars: S1E3 (Amazon) with audio description, Destination X: s1E5 (Peacock) with audio description, FUBAR: S2E3 (Netflix) with audio description, Peaky Blinders: S1E4 (Netflix) with audio description, Department Q: S1E6 (Netflix) with audio description, Poker Face: S2E8 (Peacock) with audio description

Best Episode: Poker Face, runner Up: Murderbot

Best Audio Description: thanks to everyone for all the work you do. Everyone wins today.

Best performance: Jeremy Alyn White (The Bear), Runner Up: John Cho (Poker Face)

Best Moment- All shows had audio description, so thanks again for all the work you do.