Apologies in advance, but this is full of spoilers.

I admit my faults all the time. I got into film criticism, primarily out of a love for film, and wanting to discuss and explore what I liked, what other people liked, and find those gems. I’m also deeply nostalgic, and I become attached to franchises. This can lead to me being entertained quite easily by anything regarding a franchise I enjoy. Even if I don’t actually think it’s a good film, or TV series, I get pulled into revisiting the worst more than I would a film of equal measure not attached to a franchise. I’m a big X-Men fan, so I’ve seen X-Men: The LAst Stand more than I should have for a film that isn’t very good. I admittedly have yet to revisit Dark Phoenix, the worst of the series, but I’ve seen all the others at least once, some far more than.

Scream is the same way. When Scream came out in 1996, I was not old enough to buy my own tickets, though my mom noticed the youthful cast, and for some insane reason, I saw it anyway. I even got the VHs as a Christmas present. Same for Scream 2. These films were so foundational as gateway films into horror for me. Prior to this, I was pretty relegated to cable edits, and the darker episodes of Are You Afraid Of THe Dark. But Scream led to I KNow What You Did Last Summer, Halloween H20, The Faculty, Idle Hands, and even more adventurous non-slasher fare like Wishmaster. I ahve absolutely dressed up as Ghostface for Halloween, and somewhere I still have the mask. I have a Ghostface t-shirt. I own all the films.. until now.

While it is true the series would not exist without Kevin Williamson, who wrote the original screenplay to Scream, and originated all the magic of Ghostface, scary movie trops, and final girl magic in Sidney Prescott, he never directed one until now. And, he’s a consolation prize. Originally, they were planning a direct sequel to Scream 6, which would have returned the five surviving new cast members, and perhaps a mixture of legacy favorites like Kirby (Hayden Panetierre), Gale (Courtney Cox), and Sidney (Neve Campbell), who notably did not do the sixth film because her paycheck was pathetic. Pay your final girl.

After a reaction to a political stance by Melissa Barrera, she was fired from the project. That decision has not aged well, notably because she was just one of the few, the first, to make such a statement. Many actors with larger profiles have joined her Free Palestine movement, and faced no professional repercussions. But, after Barrera, Jenna Ortega left due to “scheduling conflicts”, followed soon by director Christopher Landon.

Then they had no choice but to rewrite the entire thing, and pay Neve Campbell what she’s worth, because no one was going to watch a Chad and Mindy film. So, Kevin Williamson jumped back into a franchise he abandoned years ago, and was offered the directors chair, for reasons unknown. The only other feature he has ever directed was the disappointing Teaching Mrs Tingle. After nearly three decades of not directing a feature, I suppose the gamble was maybe this will be different. It isn’t.

The problem with writer/directors, is that they lose someone filtering what didn’t work in the script, and reinterpreting it, or knowing what to keep and cut. Why would Williamson be motivated to cut his own material? That’s like admitting he wrote a bad screenplay. And it shows. Because he did write a bad screenplay.

While Scream 7 has some interesting ideas, like killing off Ghostface early on, so there’s a mystery about who is behind all of this, and focusing on Sidney’s daughter Tatum, most of this film is just so disappointing. Will there be spoilers? Yeah, sorry.

Sidney has dropped Patrick Dempsey, only to marry another cop named Mark. Seriously. I love Joel McHale, but you couldn’t find another first name for him? Does she just like men with guns named Mark? And you’re telling me, the man currently starring in Memory Of A Killer, turned this film down? Was he offered it? Sidney and Mark have three kids, though two of them are vanished faster than a Labubu.

Again, thre’s a bit of nostalgic cleverness in Sidney catching Tatum with her boyfriend climbing in her window, and I’m not totally disinterested in how Matthew Lillard is used here. But man, this film is like an apology to Neve Campbell, and not a well thought out one. Somehow, bafflingly, no one ever feels developed as a character. Tatum has a lot of screentime, but remains one dimensional, and in some fake reality where she’s mad at her mom for not being honest with her about her past. Listen, child, you are named after a dead girl, there is a franchise of Stab films, and books were written. Tatum is aware Sidney is a survivor, but her protest over not knowing more feels more like a lazy trait than real tension.

Joel McHale, usually cast so he can quip some fun lines, is so bland here in a role meant for someone else. He really offers nothing, and certainly isn’t the comic relief. Gale comes back, just to prove she’s alive, and she’s popping a lot of pills. She has this moment with Sidney, where they finally get their trust issues out in the open, but then she disappears for the final act of the film. There’s this incredibly stupid moment where Sidney, in a race to save Tatum, can’t be bothered to wait for Gale to get into her Carr so she just runs across town, down streets, to get to where Tatum is. A better writer would have had Gale pull up, and have Sidney hop in. Sadly, Williamson isn’t that writer.

And man, does Tatum ahve the worst friend group. Talk about wasting talent. They all die. They have such little personality, screentime, or connection to anything, they basically all feel waiting to be picked off. You think they’d kill Sidney? Bah. Tatum certainly isn’t going to die. Oh, what about Chad and Mindy, who inexplicably come to help alongside Gale, and I truly cannot describe how the film uses them. They appear, they leave, they help no one, they solve nothing, they don’t face Ghostface. They achieve nothing.

Poor Tatum has a best friend (Celeste O’Connor), some other bitch (McKenna Grace), a boyfriend (Sam Rechner), and a neighbor boy obsessed with death (Asa German). Truly. Total wastes of time. The random friend played by Grace is an early death, and is one of the more interesting and brutal deaths. And, the horror obsessed kid might have the goriest death in the franchise (open for debate). But, the other two? Her boyfriend was dispatched so half heartedly, if he appeared in a sequel, I’d be convinced he survived. And poor Celeste O’Connor probably should have survived, but they gave her nothing to do. She’s the least developed friend character, in a film where Sidney named her daughter after her best friend. If we’re trying to mirror nostalgia here, Celeste O’Connor should be all over this movie, almsot to an annoying point, so Tatum is faced with a point in the film where she either watches her best friend die, ro saves her. But, fuck that. Kevin Williamson is here, and no one read his draft. No one asked tough questions.

You know who else needed more screentime? Anna Camp. I mean, Jesus Christ. Laurie Metcalf had more screentime in Scream 2, hell, Allison Brie had more screentime in Scream 4. Anna Camp is so pivotal to the plot, because she’s Ghostface, but she’s seen maybe twice, and with about two or three lines of dialogue? This is a character who, again, if they had given me the fucking job, I would have written her to be a best friend character for Sidney. Why not? The woman is obsessed with her, and considering the battle between Gale and Sidney, the tensions being brought back to the surface, wouldn’t it be ironic if Sidney backed the wrong horse? What if she left Gale, because her other bestie was there with her, again, in a film where the biggest new character was a best friend character. They have so many missed opportunities and potential, that Scream 7 seems to be the worst possible version of this.

And for some reason, Ethan Embry is here. he’s not the opening kill. He’s actually another killer, and his three seconds of backstory involve him formerly working for Silicon Valley, but then later aat the mental hospital, and that’s how all the deep fakes from Stu (Lillard) have been happening. He’s not a person, he’s exposition. What is even crazier, si that Anna Camp’s son is murdered by Ghostface, so he was either killed by his mom, or Embry. And his death, again, is brutal.Camp’s backstory isn’t terrible, nor is it great, it is just that she has almost no screentime. Of all the killers, across the previous six films, the killers here have the least screentime, the least to do, and therefore have no chance of being anyone’s favorite.

The deep fake angle was fun, but it would have been a lot more fun if the film had managed to actually function as a Scream film, and not simply as a thing with people in it. Wes Craven’s Scream was smart back in the day because it held the tropes of horror films up to the lens, and both killers had reasons. For Billy, it was personal, and for Stu, he was hoping for some infamy. Everyone since was close to Sydney, unsuspecting, but involved. No one saw Billy’s mother coming, because she avoided Sidney, and had all her scenes with Gale. Even Scream 3, which I didn’t love, tried so hard to show us another killer, only to reveal Roman. Scream 4 was even better, since one of the killers was related to Sidney, from the younger generation. Scream 5 had so much legacy tie ins, and maybe the reason was dumb, to revive a dead franchise, but that is kind of what Scream 5 was doing. Then Scream 6, was revenge for Scream 5. Scream 7, is because Sidney is no longer working as an inspirational survivor, and her time is up? That would be fine, if we spent literally any time at all with Anna Camp.

The opening sequence is fine.After that, it is a hot mess. I would have cut most of it. I would have already had a reason the two younger kids weren’t around, I would have dramatically upped the screentime for Anna Camp and Celeste O’Connor. I would have cut chad and Mindy out, since they offer truly nothing. At best, I’d have them appear in a Zoom call for a few seconds as Gale asks them a question. Camp should have been positioned as Sidney’s local new best friend and neighbor, who has grown tired of her. Embry is a guy she knew, and seduced into helping her, but he’s ultimately expendable like her first husband. And she should be way more conflicted about killing her son, because she just blows through it.

Sadly, even with all of this, because I watch my franchise films, I’ll see Scream 7 again. I’ll see it more than once. I actually felt personal shame for wanting to give this film a Rotten score, because it physically hurts me to do so. I’m an apologist for the things I love, but this script is terrible, and Kevin Williamson is an awful director. Paramount is ready to confuse box office with talent, and let him drive Scream 8 into the ground, but that film will likely be just as bad, and after seeing Scream 7, I’m not sure why Barrera or Ortega would ever want to come back. Their films had talented directors (Radio Silence, Christopher Landon). That is gone now.

I hate to be the one to say this, believe me, but maybe it’s time to put Ghostface to rest. The shark has been jumped. Scream 7 without a doubt is the worst entry in the franchise.

Rotten: 5.5/10

Probably still generous as a fan of the franchise.