Starring: Luke Bracey, Edgar Ramirez, Ray Winstone, Teresa Palmer, Delroy Lindo, Matias Varela, Clemens Schick, Tobias Santelmann, Max Thieriot
Directed By: Ericson Core

I think somewhere along the way, they ran out of money while making Point Break. I assume this, because the final scene is so poorly green screened that I could actually tell. We don’t normally get green screens that bad anymore. It’s usually reserved for movies made 20-30 years ago, but I could honestly tell they weren’t in the ocean at all. They were clearly on a set, and that was 100% definitely a green screen.

Which was a little shocking, because the rest of the stunts weren’t bad. Granted, I thought most of them were “movie magic” and not really happening, but at least they looked fairly realistic. The end scene felt so much like “fuck it, lets just get this turd in the can” that they gave up. And honestly, I can’t blame them.

I’m not sure if I’ve seen the original Point Break or not. It’s recent enough that it came out in my lifetime, and I vaguely remember parts of it, like I saw it on TV or something when I was a kid. The remake felt new to me, and I wasn’t familiar with the plot or where it was going. Yet, I knew how it would end. This movie is begging for a cinema sins, and I can’t wait to enjoy it with everyone else.

It’s pretty awful. I assumed the script was written by some film school reject, but it turns out it was written by the same dude who tried to reboot Total Recall, which explains a lot about this film. So Utah (Bracey) is an extreme sports athlete, who after losing his best friend in a tragic accident, decides to be an FBI agent… with no real explanation to that connection. My friend is dead, so I must join the FBI? It’s not like he was murdered. What about that death inspired him to join the FBI?

Of course he flies through the physical tests, but before officially becoming an FBI agent, he’s privy to some information about a team of criminals that are stealing money and giving it to poor people. He surmises from his years of experience that these must be extreme athletes, and it takes him about 30 seconds longer to find out they’re on a quest to complete 8 extreme goals. His boss, who is clearly high on cocaine, lets this non-FBI agent address the leadership of the FBI, who ignore him, but he gets sent on a recon mission anyway… while still not an official FBI agent.

So this person with no official position goes undercover with Bodhie’s (Ramirez) group of extreme athletes (who it takes Utah about 30 seconds to locate) and is pulled into their world and eventually offered a chance to be one of them. There’s a girl (Palmer) who complicates things, though you’ll never connect with her because Teresa Palmer spends most of the film in a comatose state. I don’t mean her character is comatose, I mean she couldn’t be more lethargic if she tried. There’s an awkward sex scene that happens right after she describes how her father figure passed away, because nothing spells out “let’s get it on” more than daddy issues.

The acting is fine, except Palmer. I actually didn’t have a problem with Bracey, Ramirez, Winstone, or Lindo, who all deliver just decent enough performances to keep this film from being a complete waste of time. Not that they have winning dialogue or anything, but they earned their paychecks.

Point Break is your breaking point. It’s not worth your time, or anyones time. If they can’t even finish special effects to make them look realistic, then why bother seeing a half-finished turd that the studios just dumped on you? There’s a reason this didn’t do well at the box office.

FINAL GRADE: D