The Fuck Is Up With Lucas On ‘The Bachelorette’?

It has come to this. I honestly never thought I’d write a blog post about The Bachelorette. Truth be told, I’ve never been a religious watcher of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. I’m not a total snob. I like reality TV, and I bet I’ve seen an episode or two over the years of one or both of the franchises. So, why am I here? Why am I writing about The Bachelorette?

Well, something truly magical happened. We got our first black Bachelorette, which led to an absolute explosion of diversity in their casting. It’s a huge step forward for diversity and equality, and it hopefully will show that non-white members do not tank ratings. Rachel, our new Bachelorette, is immensely likeable from the moment we meet her. She’s an attorney, so we know she’s educated and not just some random hoodrat looking for love. She’s a classy lady looking for the right man. Of course, she has to sift through 31 men in order for that to happen.

Which brings us to Lucas.

I’m aware that there is a long screening process to be selected for The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. You have to submit yourself, you have to pass an interview and a background check, and I believe even a psych evaluation. Somehow, Lucas made it through all that and was selected as one of the top 31 prospects. Then, he went and lost his mind… and ABC just went with it.

For those of you who don’t watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette (believe me, I know), imagine one of those SNL skits where everyone is basically normal, but there’s one character that’s so outlandishly bizarre (usually played by Kate McKinnon/Chris Kattan/Chris Farley/Kristin Wiig/etc.) that its funny because the absurdity is highlighted through the contrast? Now, imagine if that wasn’t a parody, but instead an actual thing that actually happened. You’d have Lucas.

Lucas is this manchild who screams WHAAAAABOOOOM!!!! all the time, and even has it on the T-Shirt he wore for first impressions. He’s the kind of guy that’s so obnoxious that you become instantly convinced he’s being an ass just for the sake of TV. If this guy was actually like this 24/7, it would be exhausting. No one would be around him anymore. He’s the guy at the party you keep trying to hide the alcohol from because you know he’s a ‘bad drunk’ and shit is going to get crazy. He seems to think that his “WHAAAAAAAABOOOOM” is a legitimate position for romance on the show, and that he deserves to be there just like anyone else.

And, sorry about the spoiler, I wasn’t surprised that he got a rose.I know that the producers think he’s just SO entertaining, and SUCH a personality. I don’t think Rachel actually wanted to give him a rose, but I think they threw in an extra one just to keep him around for another week or two. It is literally impossible for Lucas to win.

Now, as an outsider coming in, I think Lucas is offensively terrible, because he really truly does feel like he fell out of a sketch. The guy in the penguin suit was “funny”. This guy is next level obnoxious. It’s actually pulling focus away from Rachel and her historic season, and instead it all becomes about The Bachelorette’s equivalent to Sanjaya. Oh yeah, I went there. Remember when Sanjaya stayed week after week, and everyone was losing their damn minds,but a fraction of people thought it was funny to keep voting for him? That could be Lucas’s trajectory. Imagine if Rachel is forced, week after week, to keep Lucas around just for “good TV”, while other actual decent human beings are sent packing. I’ve seen it happen before, and the show was never really truly the same after that.

Once a few people are able to exploit the absurdity of the format by advancing an unqualified contestant through the ranks, it somewhat soils the whole experience for everyone else. It cheapens the intended effect. The worst part is that it’s the producers here, and not a voting audience, keeping Lucas around. Hopefully they have some common sense, and he’ll be gone in week two, and we won’t have to WHAAABOOOM anymore, but the truth is he never should have made the show in the first place. In a season with 31 men, it begs the question… why not 30? What was so special about that last guy that you just had to make it 31? And since that last guy might have been Lucas… what made him special was that he would launch a thousand blog posts just like this. But in a season that’s being touted as groundbreaking and buzzworthy, did you need Lucas? Couldn’t you have just let Rachel be enough?

Don’t expect weekly Bachelorette posts from me, or even a followup to this (unless Lucas somehow manages to win, or become the next Bachelor, in which case I’ll totally have something to say about that).

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