Starring: Patrick Wilson, Halle Berry, John Bradley, Charlie Plummer, Michael Peña, and Donald Sutherland.

Directed By: Roland Emmerich

Where I Watched It: VOD.

English Audio Description Available?: Yes

Description Provided By: Deluxe

Narrated By: William Michael Redman

I’ve already attempted to discuss this film in my YouTube review (now up on my channel), and I tried to do that without spoiling anything. The fact is, if you’ve come here to know about the audio description for the film, I’ll fill you in up front. Because, when i talk about the movie, there will be spoilers. So, changing it up a bit we begin with…

The Blind Perspective: A Roland Emmerich film is the kind of film that must mandatorily have audio description. To best describe Emmerich as a director would be to call him a director of Apocalypse Porn. He loves to create circumstances for his cinematic endeavors that mean the end of society as we know it. He got this fame through his best work to date, the endlessly entertaining Independence Day, which placed large alien spacecraft over major cities, and featured destruction of recognizable landmarks like the Empire State Building an The White House, among others. Then, he kept rolling and destroying, with Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012, Geostorm, and of course Independence Day Resurgence. He also has some lighter action titles, slightly less apocalyptic, but with major action sequences like Universal Soldier, Stargate, 10,000 BC, The Patriot, and White House Down. Then, to prove he can do whatever, he goes out and directs something like Stonewall. Go figure.

My point is, he’s a very visual director. his films often rely on the audience wanting to show up for the visual effects, so the audio description has its work cut out for them. He will be destroying many things in his film, and a lot of it won’t make any sense. So, to the credit of the author of the narration, they did a great job with this. I still think it’s somewhat impossible to have the full effect of this film, but they’re trying at least. And, Redmond is one of my favorite narrators, a man who actually has made films better with his gritty voice. Here, he actually doesn’t have his usual flavor. It’s almost as if he can’t be bothered to be stuck narrating Moonfall, and honestly, I can’t blame him.

That’s it for the audio description portion. The rest, will include spoilers. Jump to the bottom if you want the grade.

i think I’m a pretty generous guy when it comes to films that are maligned by audiences and critics. I look at each film for what it is, and i don’t compare Nomadland to moonfall, because that’s not even fair. They’re trying to achieve two totally different things, so moonfall is just Moonfall, and the comparisons are similar Roland Emmerich titles, as well as films made by his contemporaries like Armageddon and Deep Impact. That being said, taking everything into consideration, moonfall is awful.

Subjectively and objectively, this film isn’t good. It can be entertaining,because at times I found it to be fun in that “it’s so bad it’s good” way, but it sometimes takes itself too seriously to even do that. Everything here almost feels like someone made a film to make fun of Roland Emmerich. The plot is certifiably batshit. Just insane.

To try and explain this film, it centers around two friends (Wilson and Berry), the latter of the two still works for NASA, the former got fired for some stuff we see in the opening credits which becomes important and explained later in the film. Then we have this random dude who works in a college as a janitor? Or a fast food place? he claims to be a doctor, but we later learn he’s not. But, this random guy is the one who has all this moon stuff figured out. unbeknownst to fucking NASA, the moon has shifted off its orbit, and the one guy who has noticed is looney tunes. But, fake doctor is on top of it, and he calls the gift shop at NASA to report his findings.

Meanwhile, Patrick Wilson’s kid is arrested, and we find out Michael Peña is in the film. He’s the step-father to the kid, as Wilson is now divorced. Meanwhile, Berry’s ex husband works high up in the government with Donald Sutherland, who I can’t tell you why he’s in this film. Lots of money I assume.

Anyway, the moon is falling toward earth, which is fucking with the tides, the oxygen in the air, and all sorts of life shit. So, naturally, the military wants to nuke the moon. But Halle Berry wants to put together a team, because she thinks a team of astronauts can get the moon back on it’s orbit. So she finds her old friend, Wilson, who has now paired up with the fake doctor, and tracks them down to this hotel they are staying in that’s partially flooded in one of Roland Emmerich’s signature sequences. Then, they put a team together to go to the moon.

But, the moon isn’t a moon. I know, you thought it was the fucking moon. It’s not. It’s actually a fake moon, that was placed there thousands of years ago by aliens so that life could grow on earth. It’s actually like an alien spacecraft of sorts. So, they fly into space on an old spaceship that barely works, just Wilson, Berry, and fake doctor. They encounter the same swarm that attacked them in the beginning, and realize those are aliens too. Then we learn that there are two different types of alien forces working here. The ones that created the moon, gave the moon (yes, I know this plot is stupid, just stay with me) artificial intelligence, because the bad aliens track down a combination of electrical and organic life. So, there can be no organic life on the moon. I don’t know how the nano aliens fucked with the non-organic moon to begin with, but don’t ask questions.

So, after being attacked again, They abandon their main spacecraft and get into the lander, and fly into the center of the hollow moon to find the innards of this alien craft. Where, two competing alien forces fight to either kill or keep these three alive. The AI wins, and the nano bots lose temporarily. Wilson has a mini-coma where the Moon uses an image of his son to communicate with him and tell him all this backstory about the original race of aliens that built this moon, and ask Wilson what he would give up to save his son. Wilson is ready to give up his life. So, he takes on the task of sacrificing himself like Bruce Willis in Armageddon with an EMP , which is electrical and organic and will attract the nano aliens.

But when the moon lets the three humans go, PLOT TWIST, the fake doctor reveals he’s a fake doctor, and is so happy that Wilson believed him that he locks himself in with the EMP and he sacrifices himself instead, saving Wilson and Berry, who get to live on for a sequel. Fake Doctor then is uploaded to the Moon, so he sort of lives on inside the moon.

It’s fucking stupid. And i can’t get past that. On earth, every other minor character is trying to get to higher ground, or a military facilities. We run into some car jackets way too many times. Michael Peña dies,, in a very dramatic way, saving his little girl. His daughter’s oxygen tank is running out, so he gives her his, and tells her to keep walking as he stops breathing and dies. Someone had to die I guess.

Emmerich has made some outlandish films before, but this was so out in left field that it kind of put me off to taking it seriously. I literally could not. This is like Sharknado bad. I was laughing at it, not with it. And that doesn’t equate to a good film.

Final Grade: D

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