True Memoirs Of An International Assassin

Starring: Kevin James, Kim Coates, Ron Rifkin, Andy Garcia, Rob Riggle
Directed By: Jeff Wadlow

Plot: Sam Larsen (James) is an aspiring writer who is working on a book about a spy. He researches with a friend (Rifkin) who is somehow a former intelligence person, and that’s how he gets his stories so accurate. Unfortunately, his stories are too accurate, and people believe he was a real assassin.

What Works: I actually didn’t hate any of the acting, and most of my problems with this film have to do with the writing and directing. While no one in this film delivers anything near a career high performance, at least they all did passable work. Yes, even Kevin James.

What Doesn’t: A poorly written film that hopes its core audience is too drunk to notice glaring plotholes. As if anyone would ever think Kevin James was an actual assassin. He’s not even remotely in the right physical shape to be doing half the stunts he performs in the film. There’s a scene where this tiny girl is trying to pull James back into a helicopter, and I was wondering two things… 1) How does James even have the upper body strength to even hold on at this point? 2) Is she crazy? He’s way too big for her to pull up. It’s just a really dumb script, made even worse by putting Kevin James in the lead. We might have bought Sandler in the lead, but James? No. Kevin James is much better suited for comedies like Zookeeper and Here Comes The Boom. This was way out of his comfort zone, and not even in a Beverly Hills Ninja kind of way. It just doesn’t work. Chris Farley’s films always played up his weight, but here they try and ignore that James is overweight, and cast him instead as just slightly overweight.

Final Word: It’s not the worst thing I’ve seen, but it is a giant waste of time. There are too many films to watch to warrant giving this film 90 minutes of your life. Netflix really needs to think about trying to give multi-picture deals to people who are interested in making good films, not just random crap.

Final Grade: D+

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