Where I Watched it: Netflix

English Audio Description Provided By: Deluxe

Narrated By: Ron Snow

You may ask yourself why at this point in time am I reviewing the maligned horror film The Bye Bye Man, and my answer to that simply is… because it has audio description. Look, I’m trying to review numerous titles across different streaming services to give people chilling options, and they won’t all be winners. And, frequently I don’t always agree with the horde of Tomatometer or Metacritics. While I wouldn’t say I liked either film, as examples, I thought Truth Or Dare and Choose Or Die both had unfair dumping, as they were at least a teensy bit interesting.

The Bye Bye Man? Well, it’s own script answers that question. Don’t think it, don’t say it, don’t see it. It is one of those films that universally deserves the shit being thrown its way. I’ll be honest. The opening sequence, where Leigh Whanell comes bursting into the scene running around demanding to know if anyone told anyone else, and subsequently killing people in the wake, was abruptly off kilter enough that it could have led to a solid film. The first 5 minutes of this film are fantastic, and I’ll stand by that statement, and is one of the few reasons this film didn’t get an F score from me.

Everything after that, featuring teens who always make dumb choices, run around saying that catchphrase, and are haunted by some random humanistic evil source that is one of the more least interesting killers in horror history. Rather quickly, you realize that whether anyone lives or dies doesn’t matter, and you start noticing things not directly related to the plot. Like, who the fuck dragged Ellen Burstyn into this film? Why in the hell is Carrie Anne Moss in this? Didn’t they read the script? Are they that poor? Can we go fund me for them?

These kids figure out the rules, if such a thing exists in this universe, and yet they still don’t recognize helpful ways to survive. There’s no person in this film who seems to understand how to survive, and you are rooting for them, and they somehow meet their demise and you just shout at the screen. This film could have used a Kirby, but every character in this film… sucks. Even our main guy, who knowingly infects some poor librarian even though he knows what’s up.

If you’re mad because there are spoilers in my review, my counter to that is that if you find this film interesting enough to warrant not being spoiled, perhaps you don’t need this review. The Bye bye Man just isn’t a good film. And despite ron Snow doing his best to narrate the terror inherent in running from… something… there’s nothing he can really do with the audio description to make you scared of The Bye Bye Man, other than perhaps to tell you a sequel is happening.

Now that would be horrifying.

Final Grade: D