Snow Day (2022)

Where I Watched it: Paramount Plus

English Audio Description?: Yes

The fact that i hve to specify which version of Snow Day this is makes me sad. The fact this film exists, that someone thought Snow Day was iconic enough to remake make me sad. I remember Snow Day, starring a young Mark Webber, and whatever the hell nickelodeon thinks this is… is not that. That film at least tried to pretend adults might be or could be interested, by roping in Chevy Chase, but this one just ignores adults, and really teenagers. on top of that, it tries to be a musical.

The thing about musicals is that they are done well, with thought, even if you don’t like them. Songs are placed throughout, so that you don’t go large chunks of the film without a song, or have a bunch of songs crammed together. This is just thrown together haphazardly, with very little care, because it assumes your kids will watch it anyway. And they just might. It makes very little sense, it doesn’t really have the fun of an actual Snow Day, and has plot points that could have happened on any day of any year. It’s inane, and I hate to review it.

But, I always try and figure out where on a scale of like minded films this lands. I’m not comparing this to All Quiet On The Western Front. I’m thinking about other Paramount Plus kids films this year like Secret Headquarters and Fantasy Football, but also with the knowledge that I’ve seen some truly awful animation this year from the Ice Age, Night At the Museum, and Marmaduke franchises.

There’s audio description, and this film is so short, if you need to watch this with your kids… fine. honestly, there’s nothing objectionable here, even remotely, so you can leave the room. Worst thing that might happen is that your kid handcuffs you and forces you to make pancakes. Actually, the worst thing would be your kid watching this film… but that’s a different story.

There’s no audience for this film. Anyone who was around for the original Snow Day is now too old to enjoy a film targeting the 7-12 crowd, and without recognizable adult actors, or even a cameo from the original film, it doesn’t even work for nostalgic purposes. if they had gotten Webber to return and play the dad to one of these kids, sure. Even the awful Home Sweet Home Alone brought back Devin Rattray. This doesn’t care. It doesn’t care if you like it, if you saw the original, if you live or die. This film was made in spite of all of that.

It’s entirely possible your kid never saw the original Snow Day, and has no reason to need to know why this exists. If you can keep them away from it, they’ll probably be better for it. But, if they do find the film, honestly, they’ll probably find a tiny bit of joy in this wasteland.

Final Grade: D+

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