Where i Watched it?: The Third circle of hell
Where You Can Watch It?: Netflix
English Audio Description?: Yes
This film made me question my life choices. I found myself watching a film where the biggest names are buried in supporting roles, as Academy Award Winner Mira Sorvino is forced to take a backseat to whoever the fuck is starring in this garbage. is this part of the After series, or just a coincidence? i didn’t even think of that until it was too late, and I was deep in the film. Then I thought, perhaps there is more to this story. I’m not sure any of it matters. I’m not sure anything matters.
Watching this boring dreck about broken people finding love, and finding journals, and writing books that maybe they shouldn’t, and choosing love and all those things we’ve seen a hundred times, I actually committed myself to watching less films in 2023. I approached my first full year back as a movie critic, now a blind one, with the intensity of a thousand hurricanes, trying to review everything. I’m near 300 titles that are just 2022 titles, not to mention all the older films I caught up with.
But, when striving to do so, you never ask yourself “Do I actually want to see this?”, or ‘Why am i watching this?”, “Should I watch this?” “What is this?”, or a series of important questions that the average movie going person asks themselves before buying a ticket. That one goes right out the door when you can select a terrible movie that is already on a streaming service you pay for. No ticket necessary. No rental fee. you’ve technically paid for it. Except, you haven’t.
you still owe it time. Then, as a critic, i have to think of something to say about a film like this, or to be fair, any number of dismal offerings I chose just to check a number and move my total higher. I never wanted to see Love Accidentally on FreeVee, or Murder At Yellowstone City, or Brazen, or most of those Christmas offerings I waded through.
So, this film was so dull and lifeless, it actually made me commit to myself. As much as I love writing reviews, I fully believe I’ll never be accepted into any guild or on the tomatometer score, and I’m pretty certain no one cares if I see a film like this. So no more After Ever Happy’s. If I don’t feel a need of some kind, or a reason to actually watch a film in 2023, I won’t. My number will be lower, but I’ll be spending my time a little bit better, and time is more precious than really anything else we have.
I would have rather taken a nap or sat in silence, than have seen this film. Audio description is irrelevant if the project is terrible. I think about how I can’t watch RRR because it doesn’t have English Audio Description, but then this does. We live in a world where Netflix makes sure this has audio description, but makes Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu’s Oscar nominated Bardo totally inaccessible to blind English (or any non-Spanish) audiences.
no more. At some point, we have to say no more. And yet, this film still avoids the F rating, because I still have to ask myself “is it as bad as Marmaduke?” A question I ask myself far too often, and the answer is No. it somehow, manages to just narrowly miss the mark.
Final Grade: D-