I’m slightly disappointed with myself. This is how busy I am currently, that I could only eek out three shows. It makes ranking them easier, I guess. Or maybe not.

1) Locke and Key (Netflix)

English Audio Description?: Yes

Spoilers! in Episode 3, which hence to forth will now be known as “What Hath Bodhie Wrought?” My favorite character needed a good slap. Talk about fucking everything up. Like, everything. I already know, because they keep giving bodhie the keys to put in the Harlequin chest, that Dodge will soon have all the keys. My only hope is that our big bad revolutionary reject is her true mortal enemy and it becomes an enemy of my enemy situation and Dodge has to team with the Locke’s in order to defeat him. Please? No?

Episode Grade: A

2) What We Do in The Shadows (FX/Hulu)

English Audio Description?: Dammit.

Well, FX and Hulu do what they do, and they stopped uploading audio description for What We Do in The Shadows. Now, mind you, this is episode 3, so I’m already weeks behind. And they did this same crap with The Old Man, where the first two episodes had AD, and then nothing else. So, I watched Episode 3 without AD. Luckily, Episode 3 was a giant episode centered around penis enlargement, and the miseducation of Colin Robinson. My favorite line perhaps from all of this series so far came from this episode. It was universally hilarious, and probably would have topped this list… had it had audio description.

Episode Grade: A

3) Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

English Audio Description?: Yes

Reminder, I’m behind. This is Episode 7, where our detective returns with her baby, and Martin Short gets to sing it to sleep with showtunes. Now, that line about a parent doing anything for their child hit a little too hard for me to give this episode an A. It felt like obvious foreshadowing, and considering how this episode ends, as well as the elevated presence of one son, who has a father who would absolutely do anything for them, it definitely threw some new murder suspects in the mix for me. I have managed to stay away from spoilers, and up until this episode, I’ve been functioning off the concept that Cara Delevigne’s character is at the top of my list. However, after that parent line, I’ve started to look elsewhere. And, one suspect I haven’t ruled out is someone who apparently keeps their cell phone battery at zero percent so a power outage affects their cell phone. Who does that? That’s shady in itself, or bad writing. It’s almost impossible to not have at least a tiny percentage points anymore so the phone doesn’t immediately shut off. Did it just hit zero, she plugged it in, and power failure? That was an lol wtf moment for my generation. Girl, charge your damn phone.

Episode Grade: A-