Well, I saw the news that Damien Lewis is returning to Billions next season. One season without him, and I think they could see that it was a mistake to have moved him out of the show. My question now is, would I be able to jump back in starting with Season 7, or do I really have to watch an Axe-less Season 6?

Anyway, here’s the rundown.

6) Wolf Pack (Paramount Plus)

English Audio Description?: Oh Sweet Jesus In A Satanic Temple

What hath hell wrought? The fuck happened to this audio description? Episode 4 has the weirdest and shittiest audio description. Why is it that Everytime I run into a poorly produced audio description track, it seems to be on a Paramount Plus original? Last one was Tulsa King, which sounded like some guy recorded it on a shitty home computer microphone. This weeks episode of Wolf Pack sounds like a corrupted audio file. It will start to describe something and then just abruptly stop. or, it will describe the wrong thing. Or it just launches description over spoken dialogue. The first three episodes were fine. This is what happens when there is no quality check, and my experience with paramount Plus leads me to believe that calling in about anything audio description related is about as productive as putting my head through a wall.

This Weeks Grade: Offensively Awful.

5) National Treasure: Edge Of Eternity

English Audio Description?: Yes

Well, of course that was a bad guy. Duh. But, honestly, getting the audio description when that certain character got run through with a sword, I was a little like… I thought this was PG. I know we’ve had a couple of deaths already, but running someone through with a sword? Damn. Also, Billie’s parents were killed by the Irish Republican Army? That’s a bit of a twist. I mean, she’s not Irish. But, Catherine is Welsh, so there’s that. MVP award goes to Tasha though. She needs a spinoff series called Tasha Is Smarter Than you.

Episode Grade: B-

4) Kaleidoscope (Netflix)

English Audio Description?: Yes

I think Red was my least favorite episode, or at least, the episode I felt like i somehow wasn’t prepared for. Like, with all the information I had, I’m not sure this was the right order for this episode. It gets points for “Best Use Of A Murphy Bed”, but it just lacked the same emotional fire of the last episode.

Episode Grade: B+

3) Last Week Tonight (HBo MAX)

English Audio Description?: No

I really really wanted audio description this episode. There were lots of video clips where someone was clearly doing crazy shit, and I got no description on that. However, that zinger near the top… who was that person who was talking about Erin Brockovich visiting East Palestine, but was wondering why Julia Roberts wasn’t there? I don’t expect much from FOX News, but even they had to think that was a dumb statement. Even their viewers at home had to think… why would Julia Roberts be there? What would she be doing? That’s like being mad because President Biden didn’t show up, and neither did Martin Sheen. You do realize what acting is, right? Like, Julia Roberts isn’t actually Erin Brockovich? Martin Sheen wasn’t actually President? Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis didn’t really fly into space and blow up an asteroid?

Episode Grade: B+

2) American Idol (ABC/Hulu)

English Audio Description?: No

As heartwarming and inclusive as this show claims to be, it’s kind of hilarious that it doesn’t have audio description. “look at all these people from different walks of life, coming together, we are so inclusive!” “Hey… can you add audio description?” “*crickets*”. While their platinum ticket winner did not deserve that status, I kind of allowed the show to make up for it with their final audition, a survivor of a mass shooting, who waited until after he sang to talk about his story. Katy Perry lost her shit. The other two were clearly upset, but Perry was on another level. Thanks to American Idol for taking five minutes to take a stand against gun violence.

Episode Grade: A-

1) The Last Of Us (HBO MAX)

English Audio Description?: Yes

In an Ellie centric episode, we flash back to the time she and her best friend Riley went to the mall together… in the apocalypse. Obviously, this is Riley from inside Out. That’s the only thing that makes sense. Couple of things though. Just some nit picky things. 1) How many times did Riley have to play that game to learn a fatality to impress Ellie? 2) What does she do about quarters, since she clearly used a lot in that game? Wouldn’t that game fill up at some point? 3) Why didn’t Riley clear the mall? I feel like that’s step one. Not only do you now you’re actually safe, but you can check the other stores for supplies you might need. 4) You’re telling me that Riley was living there long enough to make pipe bombs, and never woke that zombie up? She had clearly turned on the power before so she knew how to work everything, but just NOW that thing woke up? 5) You’re telling me a 17 year old girl wasn’t the least bit interested in the fucking toy store? At least put the damn zombie in a store no one wants. She’s enough of a kid that the Halloween decoration store and the Arcade were on the list, but not the toy store? Shenanigans. But, this show still has the ability to make me fall in love with a character I know will die, because they are not Joel Or Ellie, and that’s a testament to something.

Episode Grade: A