Hope you had a lovely Halloween! I obviously tried to embrace the holiday, which is why I didn’t publish any reviews yesterday. I’m sure Hollywood has come to a standstill as a result. I’ll try to knock some out today. I did watch a few television shows, but not too many, since the focus was more on Halloween. However, before getting into my rankings, I figured I’d let you know about some of the shows returning next week that you may or may not be interested in, because there’s quite a bit happening. NBC is bringing back St. Denis Medical and The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins tomorrow. Hulu is bringing All’s Fair back for a second season on Wednesday, because apparently the world no longer makes any sense. Netflix’s excellent Keira Knightley drama Black Doves is returning for a second season on Thursday, nearly two years after its first season premiered. Hopefully people remember how excellent that first season was and actually return for the second, so it doesn’t experience a massive drop-off and vanish forever. Amazon is also debuting The Greatest, a scripted series about the life of Muhammad Ali, on Wednesday. Now that Halloween is behind us, there’s also a myriad of Christmas movies coming to blitz you, including two original Christmas movies from The Roku Channel this week. Netflix has A Dog’s Perfect Christmas, a Christmas film set in the universe of A Dog’s Purpose, reuniting Dennis Quaid and Milo Ventimiglia. Peacock is debuting The Uprising: The Rise of Robin Hood, the Andrew Garfield Robin Hood film that premiered theatrically in September, on Friday. Netflix is also touting the arrivals of Carolina Caroline and Funny Money: The Dane Cook Story, although I’m not aware of either film having audio description unless Netflix does what they apparently did for My Name Is Kicks and simply adds it. On Saturday, they’re also dropping Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass, which does have audio description. Meanwhile, Apple TV is bringing back the excellent Owen Wilson comedy Stick on Wednesday, while Awkwafina explores whether or not she can cook in Awkwafina: The Unlikely Cook, debuting Friday. There’s a lot going on, and hopefully something in there catches your interest.

1st Place: Carrie (Prime Video) Season 1, Episode 7. With Audio Description. Of course, everything has been leading up to this moment. The blood. Oh, the blood. I actually kind of love that the seventh episode cuts off right as shit is hitting the fan. Everything cuts to black, and all you hear is screaming, which certainly makes you want to immediately push play on that eighth episode. But man, I really hate binge-watching. I actually enjoy being able to sit and marinate in what I’ve just watched, thinking about where the show left me before moving forward. The tragic thing is that I know some of these genuinely good characters, people who supported or rooted for Carrie, are probably going to get murdered, and I kind of hate that. I was hoping they might subvert some expectations, especially given that the show has a second season coming. They’re clearly trying to do something with Emaline, and episode seven introduces Amanda, who is part of this cult of mothers attempting to rid the world of their demon spawn. I’m sure that’s going to factor into the finale somehow. I’ve really enjoyed Matthew Lillard throughout this series, and it would be lovely to see him receive a Supporting Actor Emmy nomination. I don’t even know who else I’d nominate from this cast in that category. There are some tremendous performances from the actresses throughout the season, but Lillard stands out as the strongest male performance. Given that Quentin Tarantino decided to bash him, and his career has done nothing but go up since, it would be especially satisfying to see him receive some Emmy love. I don’t know what the awards bodies are going to do with the performances from our lead trio of Carrie, Chris, and Sue, because I’d nominate all three, along with Margaret in Supporting Actress. This really is an excellent series if you haven’t started watching it yet. Compared to everything Mike Flanagan has done before, it’s surprisingly not nearly as gory as he’s capable of being. It actually reminds me a little of his feature film Hush, which certainly exists within the horror genre and has a few bloody moments, but isn’t nearly as gory as some of the shows he produced for Netflix.

2nd Place: War (HBO Max) Season 1, Episode 5. With Audio Description by ZOO Digital, narrated by Xanthe Page. The Dominic West and Sienna Miller drama continues to impress me as their divorce becomes this constant back-and-forth battle for control. This time, she ends up appearing on a talk show that very much does not go her way, setting up the rest of the episode to explore how people can benefit from that kind of public embarrassment, and how she might turn the conversation around to her advantage. Who actually comes out ahead when something like that happens? The show is very interested in the power dynamics of a divorce that has become increasingly public, and I think it handles that quite well. They also make good use of the lawyer who’s been bouncing back and forth between the two firms, which adds another interesting wrinkle to everything. I’m really enjoying both the series and its audio description, and would highly recommend both.

3rd Place: The One About Matthew Perry (Netflix) Season 1, Episode 2. With Audio Description. I swear to God, Netflix needs to figure out how to stop that little voice telling me to watch the next thing from interrupting the audio description credits. I hear “Audio Description by…” and then Netflix starts talking over the entire thing. So, there are credits here, which is a win, but I have absolutely no idea who actually provided the audio description. Anyway, I’m enjoying learning more about Matthew Perry’s life, and this episode focuses a little more on his film career, his post-Friends years, and the fact that he was repeatedly in and out of rehab. I’m still surprised by the absence of five people whose names are Jennifer Aniston, David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Matt LeBlanc, and Lisa Kudrow. I don’t know where the fuck they are or what they were doing, but their absence is heavily noted. What’s interesting is that the documentary seems to balance this out by simply not interviewing any of Perry’s costars from any of the projects he worked on. There’s no Salma Hayek from Fools Rush In. There’s no Neve Campbell or Oliver Platt from Three to Tango. Obviously, they couldn’t get Bruce Willis from The Whole Nine Yards, but there’s no Amanda Peet or anyone else from that film either. Perry appeared on The West Wing, but there aren’t any West Wing cast members here. He starred in Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, which I don’t even think they’ve mentioned, and there’s no Sarah Paulson. Nobody from Go On or Mr. Sunshine either. It’s almost as though the documentary is trying to avoid the elephant in the room by pretending that absolutely nobody in Hollywood who worked with Matthew Perry was relevant enough to speak about him. It’s a strange choice, especially for someone whose career was defined by working alongside so many recognizable actors.

4th Place: Line of Fire (Peacock) Season 1, Episode 4. I’m surprisingly becoming less engaged with this show as it moves forward. The story is getting a little hokey, and this dude keeps putting down the crane every five seconds. I get it. You have a message you need to send. But the entire thing is creeping along at a snail’s pace, and I’m starting to lose interest. I think this would be considerably more interesting if it were an Amazon Prime Video series that could move faster without having to worry about the standards and limitations of network television. I’m not entirely convinced Line of Fire is going to be a show that runs for a particularly long time. There’s an interesting concept buried in here, but I think it would have benefited from being a little less focused on one continuous storyline and a little more episodic. Imagine something along the lines of Blue Bloods, except set in Washington, D.C., with a family whose members work across several different government agencies. You get to explore their individual jobs, how their professional lives intersect, and how everything affects their relationships at home. That’s an interesting show. Instead, the ongoing storyline is actually killing my enthusiasm, which is difficult for me to say because I generally prefer serialized storytelling. But sometimes you have to recognize when the format isn’t serving the material, and right now, I don’t think it is.

5th Place: American Horror Story: 13 (Hulu) Season 13, Episode 3. With Audio Description by Cut and Measure, written and narrated by Sri Gordon. Down at the bottom is the hot garbage known as American Horror Story, which is currently delivering one of the worst things I think I’ve ever seen. I really fucking hate this season. And it’s not as though I’ve hated every previous season of American Horror Story. I’ve enjoyed some of what the franchise has offered over the years, but season 13 feels like a giant fuck you to the fans, dragging characters and references from previous seasons into a nonsensical plot that doesn’t seem to understand why anyone liked those characters in the first place. Episode three brings in Elizabeth Short, better known as the Black Dahlia, and I’d love to say that makes the show more interesting, but it doesn’t. I’d love to say any of the performances make this more interesting, but they don’t, which is especially sad when you’ve assembled a cast featuring heavy hitters like Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, and Sarah Paulson. There’s so much talent here, and absolutely none of it is saving this disaster. The audio description, however, is lovely. Sri Gordon is absolutely killing it, even though she’s being asked to describe what might be the worst season of American Horror Story by far. Admittedly, I haven’t watched all 13 seasons. I’ve seen maybe two or three in their entirety and bits and pieces of several others, but without a doubt, this is the worst thing I’ve encountered from the franchise. It’s also one of the worst things Ryan Murphy has been associated with in the last five years. Even though he’s not technically directing these episodes, I still blame him because he co-created the show and remains one of the creative forces behind it. But it was Halloween, so I figured, why not? Let’s see what American Horror Story has to offer in another episode. Apparently, the answer is absolutely nothing.

Best Audio Description: Carrie. There really isn’t a bad audio description track in today’s lineup, so I’m not going to name a loser. Everybody gets a free pass. However, Carrie deserves the win for some particularly impressive work in episode seven. The introduction of Amanda and her daughter at the beginning of the episode is exceptionally well written and described, and I really appreciated the way that entire sequence was handled. But the real standout comes toward the end, when we’re all just sort of hanging there, waiting for Carrie to react. The audio description does a tremendous job of capturing the reactions of the people around her, including audience members pulling out their phones to record what’s happening. Some people are horrified. Some are shocked. Others simply don’t know what to do or how to react. There’s a real sense of confusion because, unlike the people responsible, most of the characters have absolutely no idea what’s coming. It’s been a minute since I’ve seen the original film, but in this version, only two characters actually know what’s going to happen. Two others are aware that something is being planned, but they don’t know exactly what it is. For everyone else, it’s a complete surprise, and the audio description does a wonderful job of conveying that shock and uncertainty. It allows the moment to unfold without losing the reactions that make it so devastating. That’s exactly the kind of thoughtful writing I appreciate in audio description. So Carrie takes the win, and nobody loses today. Not a bad way to wrap up Halloween, at least as far as accessibility is concerned.