Kicking off the Small Screen Diaries for the day, vote. Go vote. Today is Election Day, and if you live in America, go vote. Right now. If you’ve put up with me long enough to read my daily ramblings about television, I have a feeling telling you to vote probably behooves me. So vote. In other television news, HBO Max has renewed Euphoria for a third season, which isn’t particularly surprising, considering I imagine they’re anticipating another strong showing at the Emmys. And I also saw Paget Brewster reacting to the cancellation of Criminal Minds: Evolution on Paramount+. Apparently, that’s no longer happening. So there’s your little bit of television news before we get into the rankings.

Coming in first place is Furious, season one, episode six, on Disney+ with Hulu, with audio description. No, nobody is credited. I listened through the entire credits, all the way through the helplines you can call, and still nothing. This is becoming a disturbing trend for Disney, and it’s incredibly frustrating. Especially when the audio description is actually pretty good, as it is here. But the show itself continues to be amazing, with another terrific round of performances from our three female leads. I particularly enjoyed the way the episode continues exploring Catherine’s background, giving us reasons to both root for her and against her. The material involving her past was excellent, and Catherine certainly makes a choice at the end of the episode, ultimately helping someone she didn’t particularly seem to want to help, or perhaps even need to help. Yes, I’m leaning a little more into spoilers these days, but I’m also trying not to just outright say, “Oh my God, did you see that person die?” Our three female leads certainly go through the wringer here, and Scoot McNairy’s character manages to uncover some information that might ultimately save them all. This is just a terrific show, and I wish Disney would give the people responsible for its audio description the recognition they deserve.

In second place is Welcome to Derry, season one, question mark? This is the surprise Halloween episode, The Story of Derry, a roughly 30-minute standalone installment that explores more of the backstory involving the Indigenous population and the thing trapped in the woods. We learn how the people avoided those woods and refused to feed the creature, even if it meant giving up the animals they would normally hunt. Interestingly, this episode has audio description. I know, right? They actually describe something! Before I get into the episode, let me explain how to find it, because HBO Max certainly didn’t make that easy. Open Welcome to Derry, scroll down to Related, and you’ll find it there. Not under Extras, not under Season One, and not as some separately searchable title. It’s just sitting there under Related, waiting for you to discover it. The episode itself follows three Indigenous kids who think they know better than the adults and decide they’re ready to hunt in the western woods. Naturally, this does not go particularly well. We also learn more about what seems to be an opposing force to Pennywise, some sort of turtle deity that can communicate with people and provide them with the knowledge necessary to contain the creature. This helps explain the origins of the pillars and how the entity was effectively quarantined. It’s a fascinating little addition to the mythology, and there’s some genuinely gnarly gore and creature-feature material here. If you’re watching Welcome to Derry, absolutely check this out.

In third place is Below, season one, episode five, on Netflix, with audio description by VSI. I have to admit that the audio description during a particular car sequence was incredibly confusing. I couldn’t figure out who was driving, who was in the front seat, who was in the back seat, who had the gun, or who was pointing it at whom. Then everybody crashes into the water, and they’re trying to escape before the monster eats them. That entire sequence just did not work for me. If I had been on the quality control team for this audio description, I would have said, “Do it again.” I don’t know how else to put it. Do it again. I couldn’t follow what was happening, and the description failed to establish the geography of the scene in a way that made sense. Thankfully, the rest of the episode is excellent. Josh Hartnett’s character discovers an island where some people he believed had already left are apparently still hanging around, but things aren’t quite what they seem. And, as the episode demonstrates, creatures can be more than just the monsters lurking beneath the sea. Sometimes the human variety is every bit as disturbing.

Coming in fourth place is MobLand, season one, episode nine, on Paramount+, with audio description that also isn’t credited. Seriously, what is going on here, guys? I know Media Access Group handles a lot of the 101 Studios and Taylor Sheridan material, and they’ve done plenty of work for Paramount and CBS, so why are we suddenly losing these credits? I can’t even tell you who provided the audio description for this particular episode because nobody is identified. There was also a sequence involving Kevin confronting the man who raped him that I didn’t entirely understand. I know this is a season behind, so I could probably spoil the whole thing without upsetting too many people, but there was something about the other man repeatedly saying he couldn’t move, and I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. I felt like the audio description wasn’t giving me everything I needed, although perhaps some of that confusion came from the way the scene was written. This isn’t the first time MobLand has left me feeling that way. However, Helen Mirren is absolutely terrific in this episode, particularly toward the end, when her character is arrested and simply walks out singing an old traditional-sounding song. I couldn’t tell you whether it was English, Welsh, Scottish, or something else entirely, but it was a tremendous moment for a character who is, quite frankly, a nasty human being. Mirren knows exactly how to make that kind of character fascinating.

Fifth place goes to Overgeared, season one, episode one, on Crunchyroll, with audio description. I don’t remember hearing anyone credited for the description, but there was so much happening during the credits that I’m not sure they even had time to squeeze it in. I’ve said before that a lot of anime feels like watching somebody play a video game, but this one leans so heavily into that concept that it practically is a video game. The premise involves a virtual reality game called Satisfy, and our protagonist, Shin Youngwoo, also known as Grid, is a struggling player who finally seems to have stumbled onto something extraordinary, only to find himself knocked all the way back down to a negative level. Imagine working your way up to level 72, only to suddenly become level minus one. I’d be pissed, too. I’m not entirely sure what the central mystery is supposed to be yet, or how all these characters fit together. Anime has a tendency to drop you into the deep end of the pool and see whether you can swim. Sometimes you figure it out, and sometimes you spend the first few episodes wondering what the hell everybody is talking about. But Overgeared does have pretty decent audio description on Crunchyroll, and for anime fans looking for more accessible titles on the standalone service, that’s another one to add to the list.

In sixth place is DMV, season one, episode 16, on Paramount+. Yes, this is still on my watch list. Yes, I know the show has been canceled. And yes, we’re already into an entirely new television season, but I’m determined to finish this thing. The cast is wonderful, and they deserve at least that much. This episode focuses on the employees dealing with reviews from the people who have had the unfortunate experience of interacting with them, whether during driving tests or other visits to the DMV. Naturally, the reviews aren’t particularly flattering, especially considering all the dumb shit these people have done to their customers. I thought it was funny. There’s something inherently amusing about a group of government employees being forced to confront the fact that the public doesn’t particularly enjoy dealing with them. I’ll eventually finish this show, even if Paramount+ has to drag me across the finish line.

In seventh place is Murder in a Small Town, season one, episode two, on Netflix, with audio description. I’m finally catching up with this series, thanks largely to Netflix actually providing audio description for its run. I didn’t particularly care about the mystery in this episode, though. I understand that they’re trying to spend a little more time exploring the sheriff and establishing that cozy small-town atmosphere, but I’m having trouble figuring out just how small this town is supposed to be. Sometimes it feels like a sleepy little Mayberry, with a sheriff who knows everybody and has a personal relationship with the community. Other times, it feels like a fairly sizable town with a much larger population than the show seems to want us to believe. It’s an odd disconnect, and I’m not sure whether that’s a problem with the writing, the setting, or simply my perception of the place through the audio description. Either way, the mystery didn’t do much for me, and I’m hoping the series finds a stronger balance between its procedural elements and the small-town character development.

So, seven shows today, and which one had the best audio description, and which one had the worst? Well, unexpectedly roaring back into first place is Welcome to Derry. The series has already demonstrated that it can deliver some terrific audio description, particularly when it comes to the absolutely nightmarish imagery that needs to be conveyed. And this strange little standalone Halloween episode is no exception. There are some crazy monsters in those woods, and the audio description does a fantastic job of communicating just how gnarly everything gets. At the bottom of the day, unfortunately, is Below. It’s a little strange because I actually enjoyed the episode quite a bit, but that car sequence was an absolute clusterfuck. Between trying to figure out who was in the front seat, who was in the back seat, who was driving, who had the gun, who was good, who was bad, and who was threatening whom, I was already completely lost before the car even ended up in the water and a monster started attacking everybody. It was a lot, and the audio description simply couldn’t keep up. I distinctly remember the sequence ending and thinking, “Well, thank God we got past that, because I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what was happening inside that car.” And that’s not how audio description should leave you feeling. Hopefully, tomorrow brings something a little easier to follow.