They call themselves The Plastics. They’re shiny fake and hard.

Sometimes, when you strive to appease everyone, you end up appeasing no one. Luckily, that isn’t the case with mean Girls, the musical adaptation that hit theatres in 2024, but it does suffer from a lack of identity. The movie is neither a complete reimagining of the original film. Or a faithful adaptation of the musical. Hell, it isn’t even a new version of the musical, in the way that they just fill the movie with new songs. It tries to be everything.

On Wednesdays we wear pink. Get in loser we’re going shopping. You go Glen Coco. She doesn’t even go here.

The funny thing is that some lines are verbatim, and others are changed just so slightly. they do the same with the musical references. For example, Damien loses his anthem Where Do you Belong, which transitions into Meet The Plastics. So, in the musical, he would normally sing the line I posted at the top of the review, but instead he speaks it. For time, I guess, we had to cut some music. It doesn’t quite work.

That’s not to say the talent here is bad, it just is different. Compared to the stage musical, I thought the casting was strong. Everyone held up except the casting of Cady, a lackluster Angorie Rice who has 1/100th the personality of Lindsay Lohan, and half the voice as the original Broadway cast). Cady is such an iconic lead, made so by Lohan. You would think it’s impossible to take an iconic role and do something with that, but I would answer back to you that Heath Ledger had no problem finding his own Joker, and Joaquin Phoenix had no problem after Ledger. Great actors make compelling cases.

The one cast member who truly does challenge her iconic original is Renee Rapp, who reinvents Regina George to fit her own vision, and doesn’t feel like she’s defined by Rachel macadams version. She’s different, modern, and fierce. Rapp is easily the best singer in the cast, and her voice gets to show that in anthems like Til Someone gets Hurt and World Burn. Rapp is the clear stand out here.

I would point out that I did enjoy Auli’i Cravalo (Janice), Jacquel Spivy (Damien), Avantika (Karen), and Bebe Wood (Gretchen), who all tackled iconic roles, and did not make them worse. They just had tall orders to begin with. but, where these four soar, is in their singing. I am especially frustrated that Where Do You Belong was cut, as I think Jacquel would have slayed it. The other three all kill their various solos (Janice arguably has two).

But, man, they miscast Cady. And Tina Fey lacks the same energy as before. She feels trapped in some hell circle where she’s been forced to repeat the same role, and say the same lines. Tim meadows is trapped here too. They decided Cady only needs a mom, so she no longer has a father, and Jenna Fischer sets in just fine. Aaron Samuels is always just required to be a hot guy. even in the musical, he doesn’t do much.

What is gone from the original movie? The creepy coach having sex with the Asian teens. Gone. Regina and Shane no longer make out inside a mascot, it’s just in some closet. Way less interesting, and also a change from the musical. No mention of Toaster Strudel. And most of it are just updates to 2024, like we now have social media, and kids making videos. Cellphones are integrated nicely, and since no one works in a mall anymore, Janice lost her job selling lotion.

I’m a big fan of Mean Girls, and the musical. I actually liked this, but I didn’t love it. I am starting to dislike the trend of cutting songs from the stage, and writing forgettable crap for the movie. That is annoying. And, Rice is terrible casting. I’m sorry, she is. The audio description is fine, but with all the singing and stuff, it’s only going to be just so involved. I know people who don’t like it, but I like my musicals without people talking through the musical numbers. I would rather, as a blind person, give up knowing visually what is happening, so i can enjoy the song. I go to musicals for the music. That’s why I come back. If I wanted to watch this for laughs or story, I would just watch the original anyway. The only performance here truly worth mentioning is Rapp.

Sorry, it’s not as fetch as it should be, but 20 years later, and Gretchen did actually make fetch happen.

Final Grade: Kinda fetch.